It is almost impossible to believe that it's been one month since you were born, and one month since you left us. I miss you both so, so much. More than you could ever imagine.
This past weekend was mother's day. I had so many dreams of this day. Perhaps not this particular one, but of the ones in the future. Of Daddy taking you to pick out a card and flowers and having breakfast in bed. Of you bringing home beautiful things that you made in school-you know, lovely, artistic things :) I know that you are up in Heaven, doing those lovely things for your Great-grandmas instead of for me.
I want you to know how much your Daddy and I love you. We will love you always, always. We wish so desperately that you were here with us-it seems so unfair and so cruel that you couldn't stay. It hurts me so much that I can't even stand it some days. I'm trying really hard to keep moving forward, to keep smiling and laughing so that you'll be proud of me. Some days I just don't find much to be funny!!! (except justin timberlake on snl-seriously, that guy is hilarious). I want you to know that I wanted so badly to be your mother. You were so, so wanted. We were ready for you. Ready to be parents. Ready to give up staying up late, and sleeping in. Ready to push work aside for what is more important. Ready to read books to you every single night and sing songs and teach you French. Ready to take long, annoying trips in our new mini-van so that you could hang out with grandmas. Ready for you to fight with each other, ruin the nice things in our house, scream, kick-whatever. We were ready for sleepless nights and sucking boogers out of your noses.
But you had other plans, I suppose. You wanted to go straight to Heaven where maybe you could watch over us. I wish you could have stayed.
I miss you so, so much. I love you and your daddy loves you, too. Please know this. All of your family misses you so much and wishes they could have met you. They all agree at how equally handsome and beautiful you were. Sophie, I still am sorry that you got my nose! At least they'll recognize you as a Furman up there :) We have such great friends that were looking so forward to meeting you. They all wanted to baby-sit and take you out to fun places to play. They miss you, too.
I think of you so often. I'm so proud of you for trying to stay here as long as you could. I'm so sorry that I couldn't keep you safe. I'm so sorry that my body didn't protect you like it should have. I'm sorry that my body failed us. I'm sorry that you aren't here with me like you should be. I'm so, so sorry.
I love you Sophie and Aiden!