But having a child (children) that dies will change it even moreso, I would say. My life is forever changed.
Just about 38 weeks ago, Brian and I conceived two very wanted, very loved babies. They grew and they grew and I tried everything in my power to keep them safe. Everything that I did somehow wasn't enough. I am living my life each day knowing that I couldn't keep my children safe-I couldn't keep them inside of me where they needed to be. I lost a world on April 13, 2009.
I love you so much, Aiden and Sophie, and I am so sorry that I couldn't take care of you. I'm so sorry that people don't think you were a miracle-because you so were. That they think by not coming back to work I wasn't facing things. I'm sorry that I have to wait the rest of my lifetime to get to Heaven to see you. I'm sorry that I spend my nights wishing you were here instead of rocking you to sleep. I"m sorry that you have to hear it when people tell me it just wasn't meant to be and that you weren't part of God's plan for me. You are a part of my plan. Whether you got to live on Earth or go straight to Heaven, you are a part of my plan.
And I just wish you were here. I so, so wish you were here. I love you.