is how I'm feeling today.
Tomorrow is the first day of school. Need I say more?
Yesterday, we took a road trip in honor of my hubby's dad. It will be 10 months on Wednesday that he has been gone. We drove to where he grew up, where he used to work, where he met his wife, where his parents are buried (this part=not good because there are infant graves EVERYWHERE in cemeteries and I NEVER noticed it before. Especially ones like this that are pretty old). We stopped at little Amish shops, waited for buggies to pass in front of us, visited antique shops. Ate at a local bar. I took tons of photos. We reminisced. Talked about the good things, the good memories. It was incredibly healing and made me feel so good.
Last night, we took the dog for a walk and had really nice talk. Hubby shared lots of thoughts that I didn't have any clue went through his head. We talked about the stupid infection, and when we could have gotten it. We talked about how sad we are, but how hopeful we are. How we just wished we were pregnant already.
So, I went in to the trusty due date calendar. I am supposed to ovulate very soon; I am on day 9 of my cycle. Ya know, if things are working like they did last month. The date I put in would put my due date as May 31st. My birthday. Before B has to take his students to France. I would only miss the last few days of school (ya know, assuming I don't go into premature labor). Perfect.
But it isn't 6 months like the doc told us. It's only 5.
I so, so want to do it anyway. I just want to try.
Heaven knows the chances of it working anyway are so, so slim. So what could it hurt to try?
But it isn't 6 months. It's only 5.
I want to do it anyway, and hubby agrees. That-him agreeing-scared the living daylights out of me. I said the F word. I couldn't believe it. I don't know what to do! I honestly just. don't. know. what. to. do. Other doctors told people at the exact stage as us only to wait 3 months. But I trust this doctor. I know it's *better* if we wait. alfjlfj;kaf. Whose saying it would even work anyway, cause you know it won't.
Except, what if it did?