Monday, August 31, 2009


is how I'm feeling today.

Tomorrow is the first day of school. Need I say more?

Yesterday, we took a road trip in honor of my hubby's dad. It will be 10 months on Wednesday that he has been gone. We drove to where he grew up, where he used to work, where he met his wife, where his parents are buried (this part=not good because there are infant graves EVERYWHERE in cemeteries and I NEVER noticed it before. Especially ones like this that are pretty old). We stopped at little Amish shops, waited for buggies to pass in front of us, visited antique shops. Ate at a local bar. I took tons of photos. We reminisced. Talked about the good things, the good memories. It was incredibly healing and made me feel so good.

Last night, we took the dog for a walk and had really nice talk. Hubby shared lots of thoughts that I didn't have any clue went through his head. We talked about the stupid infection, and when we could have gotten it. We talked about how sad we are, but how hopeful we are. How we just wished we were pregnant already.

So, I went in to the trusty due date calendar. I am supposed to ovulate very soon; I am on day 9 of my cycle. Ya know, if things are working like they did last month. The date I put in would put my due date as May 31st. My birthday. Before B has to take his students to France. I would only miss the last few days of school (ya know, assuming I don't go into premature labor). Perfect.

But it isn't 6 months like the doc told us. It's only 5.

I so, so want to do it anyway. I just want to try.

Heaven knows the chances of it working anyway are so, so slim. So what could it hurt to try?

But it isn't 6 months. It's only 5.

I want to do it anyway, and hubby agrees. That-him agreeing-scared the living daylights out of me. I said the F word. I couldn't believe it. I don't know what to do! I honestly just. don't. know. what. to. do. Other doctors told people at the exact stage as us only to wait 3 months. But I trust this doctor. I know it's *better* if we wait. alfjlfj;kaf. Whose saying it would even work anyway, cause you know it won't.

Except, what if it did?


Missing Kasey said...

((hugs)) Good luck and have fun trying! I hope your first day goes as well as it possibly can.

Akul's mama said...

There are so many ifs in our lives. Hope your first day back at work goes peacefully.

Catherine W said...

I will be thinking of you on your first day back at work. I hope it goes okay. xx

Hope's Mama said...

We tried before the doc said. It didn't work, but we still tried. I just didn't want to let any other months slip by. She said it would take six months, but told us to wait three. We only waited the one month. Well, she was right, it took six!
And I notice all the baby graves now, too. Awful.

Just Breathe said...

Do you real think that 4 weeks would make a difference. Meaning: why not try now, I wouldn't wait.
I think that if both of you feel the same away about it then maybe God is talking to you.

Tina said...

I say screw it and TRY!!! Not that you were asking my opinion, but I guess I am giving it anyway! Best wishes which ever way you decide to go. xx

Anonymous said...

My doctor told us not to wait. We wanted a family before, we want one now - he said most doctors say 6 months because they think it will be better emotionally - really? Like you will be all better in 6 months, I don't think so! We waited about 3 months because honestly, I didn't feel like doing anything to further along reproductive progress befor then. It's all about you and your hubby and what y'all want and need. Just my opinion. Have a great day at school. I'm sending you big hugs from NC....

Kristy said...

My Dr never gave us a guideline in terms of waiting. He knows we are waiting because I am having some tests done and because we want to meet with the MFM again...once we do that, we have to even decide if this is the road we are going to go down again.

Your heart is telling you to try again, I would try again. You know, as well as the rest of us that there are no guarantees. Your body has healed and is ready for another pregnancy...its your mind. And your mind and heart seem ready to me. Go with your heart on this one.

Good thoughts for you on your first day back to school. I'm sure scary, but you'll do great!!

Big big *hugs*

Bluebird said...

Thinking of you, whatever you two decide ;)

Nan & Mike said...

Hope you had a good day sweetie. Thanks for the award - I will get to it soon! You are sweet :) ANd don't worry, alot of times I would love to scream obscentities across the screen like $%^%$&^#@@@!!!!

Hugs, Nan xo