Ok, I guess it's kind of good to be home....for the sake of our checking account/credit cardtab.Yikes. I have too much to say, so I think I'll make a list so I don't ramble.
*I feel glad that my due date has passed-it was a really hard day and I was glad to be distracted by the fabulousness of La.s Veg.as. I cried, but behind my sunglasses and mostly could stay distracted. I think the buildup to it was worse.
*I would like for people to please NOT take their small children on vacation when I am there. Please leave your newborn babies out of the 107 degree L.as Veg.as weather. They are only there to taunt me. To try to break me! Um, hello, people-you are ruining my vacation!!!! (I hope you know that I'm (mostly) kidding).
*People apparently travel only with their identical twin siblings. Or bring their identical twin siblings on trips. Everytime I saw a double stroller, I would brace myself to see what's coming. I got on the monorail once with boy/girl twins about one year old and it was THE longest 10 minutes of my life. Thank goodness horrible thoughts don't actually hurt anyone or I would be in big trouble. I'm praying that I can get past this horrible jealousy stage kind of soon.
*Oh, on my due date I freaking ovulated. For what I think is either the first or second time ever in my life, on my own. I had eggwhite cervical mucuous, and it was, you guessed it, day 15 of my cycle. This should be great news, but it's still to early to try and I was desperate to. I thought it was a sign or something. B disagreed. He's so levelheaded I want to smack him. Can't do that for a few months, and I have a dr appt with a peri next week to get through first. It sucked big time. Irony.
*I am SO sick of shows/movies about the "Oops, I'm pregnant" story line. We went to this cool studio thing at MG.MGr.and where you can test out shows and I was so excited. We saw the show "Acciden.tally on Pur.pose." I wanted to run, run, run, run. Storyline= 36 year old intelligent, beautiful, single woman. Decides to randomly have a one-night stand with 21 year old moron kid with stoner friends that sit around playing nintendo or whatever. Oops, she gets pregnant and decides boy can move in with her. Gee, does that sound familiar? Jaded=me.
*We went to a timeshare presentation (I know-dumb idea) to get free show tickets and while I successfully told the guy no, I did not successfully deal with "Do you have kids? Are you going to have kids? How many kids are you going to have?"
*Whenever really happy things happen to me now, instead I cry. Fireworks on the 4th made me bawl like a baby. We went to see Phan.tom of the Op.era, which I love so, so much. I had seen it before in Chicago, but in Vegas it was SOOOOO amazing. We saw it on our Anniversary after having steak at Mon Ami Ga.bi, a French restau at Pa.ris, Las Veg.as. I felt so happy and all I could do was cry (secretly, of course). I just feel like I wish I had a child to share the happiness with. I wish we could show a little kiddo how much love we have for them. It's there, just waiting. Instead, I'm just a mom to two dead babies and scared to try again for another. Families together make me so sad.
*We had a great time overall. It was the best decision-off on our own, low-stress, lots of things to distract. Great people watching, we played penny slots at every casino on the strip, saw 3 shows, ate great food, and walked a lot holding hands.
* I am sad and scared to be back. My counter says there are 17 days left before the first day of school. I'm not ready. I'm afraid. I'm afraid I can't do it anymore. That I'm broken. That I'll push people away. That the kids won't like me anymore. That I won't be able to pull off the things I normally do. That after 5 months of doing what I want whenever I want, grieving when I need, I will break. I'm just afraid.
*The very first thing I did when I got back was to read blogs. I checked on Mirne to make sure everything was still ok. I checked on Bluebird. I read everyone. I know that you are all strangers, but you feel like friends to me and I want to thank you so, so much. Love to you all!
I'll leave you with my favorite pictures:
From the top of the "eiffel tower". Having been on top of the real one, it was a little anti-climactic (spelling? did I make up that word?) but still way, way cool nonetheless.
Yep, went to the moon. Totally. For real.
This is totally photoshopped, but I did go to the Vegas version of this show and I did NOT win or get called down! Lame!!!!