2. Why can I not see a baby sleeping? I cannot. To me, they do not look like they are sleeping. They look like they are not alive. This makes me ill.
3. I guess there are 3 things. I start work tomorrow-inservice where the whole staff will be in one place. I am terrified. I wrote my new principal an email telling him my "story" and that I wasn't sure if I could stay if it gets rough. Instead of writing back, he came to my room and asked for 10 minutes. He was so kind. He said he already knew my story-that almost immediately more than one person had taken him aside to explain because they cared for me. He said they couldn't even tell him what happened without breaking down themselves. He said that when I ran out of that meeting last week, he looked around and could see the pain and concern on my colleagues faces and that he immediately could tell what kind of a person I am and even what kind of a teacher I am.
This moved me to tears-the good kind. I felt so grateful. I felt so awful for complaining about how they all ignore me, because even though some of them do, I am so lucky to have so many that care about me. I'm nervous as hell for tomorrow, but this is something I have to do. And because so many of you have done it before me, I know I can do it.
4. Wow, I really lied. I wanted to share that I got the nicest e-mail a few days ago from a lady that doesn't live anywhere near me. Our stories are (sadly) quite similar and she wrote to thank me for sharing my thoughts and feelings and helping her know she's not alone.
I can't even begin to say how good this made me feel. I've written that exact e-mail-ourowncreation was my very first blog where I thought-ohmygod, that could be my story. and I wrote her thanking her for sharing her words. And I spent a day reading her entire blog from day 1 through the most current update. I was just a few days out from giving birth-my husband was back to work and I just would lay in bed all day long and read things on the internet. As much as I am still struggling, I think back to those first few weeks and WHOA, I have come a little way.
Anyway, I'm thinking of all of you and thanking you all for sharing YOUR stories, too.