Sophie and Aiden made their way into this world.
They made their way into this world much, much too early.
I sit here this morning, not being able to sleep. Thinking of this day 5 months ago. The pain, the blood, the fear, the sickness.
The hushed voices.
The delivery room haunts me. Dr.P holding my knee, just chatting with the other doctor on staff. "You just can't trust the second twin, ya know." He'd say, and then rub my belly with the ultrasound wand.
Brian, not saying anything. No happy daddy here. Just one that is terrified.
Babies are whisked away. Blood is cleaned up. We are left alone.
Sophie and Aiden,
It is impossible for me to believe that you're not still coming. That you're not just still on your way. I think I will always, always be waiting for you to arrive. I miss you more than any words I could put on this screen. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to live this.
Today I am filled what what-ifs and what-should have beens.
But Today I am filled with love you for, and pride. I am so proud that you existed. I hear your names and I crumble because you did exist.
I wish I could tell you so many more things.
I wish so, so many things.
I love you.