I don't know whether to be relieved or sad. Both, I guess.
I was at work today, and I had this little cramp, and I was like, Oh-guess I'm getting my period-huh-I guess I knew that was coming, ya know...eventually.
So, then at lunch I got really mad. This period took 41 days to come! My appointment at the fertility doctor is not until oct. 19th, so I'll just waste this dumb very long cycle because I'm not on metformin, or clomid, or anything. I could have sex every other day until next year and it wouldn't matter!
So, I decided to call. I left a LOOOOONG, rambling message for the nurse of the fert. doc I've been assigned to.
It went something like,
"I started my period today and so I was wondering if the doctor even though she hasn't met me could just prescribe me the clomid i've taken it before ya know so yeah and then she could just make me an appointment to have an u/s cause all i really need is an u/s because, well, i've been pregnant before but I conceived twins but I can't have twins this time because it's too dangerous because you see they were born prematurely and they didn't live and see my cyles are like 40 or 50 days long sometimes and ohhhh and I'm rambling oh and my birthday is 5.31.81 and yeah. Ok, thanks!"
Then, after school, I heard my cell phone buzzing. I look and it's the clinic!!! I was shocked actually. Just a few hour long turn around. It was the NICEST nurse EVAR. No lie. She started OFF by saying, "Honey, I just want you to know right away how sorry I am for your loss. We want to get you started down a good path again and we want things to end wonderfully this time."
And she was SINCERE.
And then she said that I was lucky (HA) because my doctor is never in on Tuesdays, but she was there today and so she was able to ask her about my message.
SO!!! She (the doc) didn't feel comfortable prescribing me anything without meeting me (I knew that would happen, I guess I'm actually glad about that) BUT she was going to fit me in at 2:00 on Friday. THIS FRIDAY!!!!! Just a half hour, more directed appointment. And she has a new medication in mind, letrozole (femara brandname-anyone familiar with this?) that works like clomid but has a less chance of multiples! I have to go tomorrow to take a pregnancy test at the clinic (trust me, I have so many negative pregnancy tests it's not even funny) because a study showed it caused birth defects if taken AFTER conception (it is a breast cancer drug as well).
She's fitting me in after her work hours are over on a FRIDAY!!!!!
I'm way, way excited, right? I call my husband and I'm psyched because it's homecoming parade here on Friday so we don't even have to take off work. It'll be day 4 of my cycle, which is the day you start taking the medicine. I don't know what it will all involve or how the u/s will go or anything.
Then, it sinks in. I could take this medication on Friday and then ovulate and then I could be pregnant again. In a few weeks! What if!?!?!?
And this could happen again.
But it won't.
But it could.
Whoa. So excited to be "officially" trying again. Even though I know it could be a long road just to even get pregnant and then what's after that is....well, terrifying. I am feeling a little hopeful today!