* i feel that i am cursed because this morning I woke up to find that someone has stolen the for sale sign from our yard. now, there are a million for sale signs around that did not get stolen. so, again, in the spirit of WHY DID MY BABIES HAVE TO DIE, I somehow can relate this to OF ALL THE FREAKING YARD SIGNS WHY DID THEY TAKE MINE then I realize that relating those two things together is obviously psychotic and unnecessary but at the same time feels valid
*i just realized that as much as I wanted to, I'm automatically putting some punctuation here and there into these sentences without realizing
*I am addicted to a little computer game called the sims did you know your character can get pregnant? AND all you have to do is push a little button that says, "try for baby" and seriously, 4 hours later sims time she starts barfing and her belly starts to grow. I want that button.
*today i went to the eye doctor and he is very creepy. he started out the conversation by asking, "so, do you have any seasonal allergies?" and asked why my eyes were so puffy and my contacts were so beaten up, I mentioned the crying, he kept pushing, I said we had a rough few months, he said, "is it anything that can be fixed?"
cue psychotic laughter inside and my actual answer, "no. not at all."
but he keeps pushing
"just family stuff?"
you could say that.
so i say it because he is making me and not letting me get away with it.
my twins died
oh, that is so sad, he says
yes, yes it is
*I went to the mall to try to find something for my husband for father's day. this year will be a double whammy for him because he just lost his dad and he's in the whole i'm a father but not a father kind of thing so I go to things remembered to get a keychain with aiden and sophie's name and the man asks so i tell him and he says, "that sucks so bad. you gave them beautiful names" and then takes off a chunk of the price
can i ask why the random just barely older than a teenager mall kiosk worker knows all the right things to say and a woman who has had babies and lived a whole life can muster up "oh."
I know, I know, I know. It just takes people off guard. no hate from me
*i am constantly worried that someone out will ask me when i'm due because i still kinda look pregnant
*i should stop now even though there is more that i think i want to say but i have forgotten!!!
Contrary to the title of this blog, I am a mother. I gave birth to boy/girl fraternal twins who died shortly thereafter due to exreme prematurity and infection after a premature rupture of membranes. I am blogging my way through this journey that I wish I didn't have to take.