I can't believe I have two dead babies.
I can't believe the emptiness of this summer-but the anxiety I feel to go back to work. I can't believe that for the rest of my life, I will be living with my angels by my side-up in Heaven, when they should be here.
I can't believe that in a span of 8 hours, I had to tell doctors it was ok to take my sweet babies off life support TWICE. I can't believe I watched them take their little last gasps for air, while I held on to them for dear life. That they weighed almost 2 pounds and looked like Brian but had my nose. That they had little fuzzy heads with hair.
That it's been 11 weeks tomorrow.
I can't believe I was almost there. Almost a mother to babies on earth.
I feel like I am falling apart at the seams most times. I hate that people don't understand me anymore. I hate when people wish me "Have a nice summer." You have to be kidding me.
We are selling our house because of the demons! Not because of something to do, but because of the room that used to be a nursery and because each night when I go to bed I relive my water breaking, knowing that all my hopes and dreams were flooding out of me with my waters.
I need a release-blogging is mine.
I'm sorry you have to read this.
I will post another one when I'm feeling better about the things we did this week.
Don't worry; we're surviving.