Monday, December 7, 2009

A year ago...

One year ago, we had just gotten back from a wedding in Jamaica. We got to Minneapolis at midnight on a Sunday night and still had to drive all the way home, in a snowstorm, and then go to work the next day! I woke up Monday morning and wondered if I should take a pregnancy test. It was far enough in my cycle (the first one from the women's clinic), but I was worried about how terrible my day after seeing a neg. test would be since I was already exhausted. I had seen what felt like a million negative pregnancy tests, and no matter how many you've seen, it doesn't make the next one easier. So I went into the bathroom and got undressed for my shower. At the last second, I changed my mind and grabbed a digital pregnancy test. I sat there, watching the little blinking hourglass. When it flashed up a few seconds later, I could hardly believe it. They had forgotten to put the "Not" in front of the "Pregnant." I remember running into Brian's bathroom (still naked!) and almost knocking him over, shoving the pee stick in his face. I was crying and screaming and generally throwing a fit. I would give anything to have that innocence back. That pure, pure joy. That hope. Elation. Confidence that our future was changing. This was a gift from Rudy, we said. He sent us this from Heaven.
We didn't know that in the end this gift would end up in Heaven, too.

7 comments:

Bree said...

I remember that big day. I remember waking my husband up from a sound sleep and his response was, "go drink some orange juice." LOL.

margaret said...

I remember the naive excitement too, having received my first positive on a pregnancy test. Ten days later it was over and the positive/miscarriage cycle would repeat five more times with the births of Lorelei and Calvin and Georgia along the way. It never seems to be the same after loss. Too afraid to be hopeful for a live baby at the end, you walk on eggshells for the entire pregnancy, afraid to sneeze, fart or sit down the wrong way. I'm so there with you....Hugs

Tina said...

I wish we could all go back to those happy times. The day I found out is coming up too...2 days after Christmas. What a heartbreaking day. xx

Hope's Mama said...

On the 13th it will be two years since I found out I was preg with Hope. Has to be one of the happiest day's of my life. Much happier than the day I found out I was preg with Angus, because with Hope, I didn't KNOW. I didn't know so many babies never made it. When I found out Angus was in there, I just never imagined he would make it.
Thinking of you today.
xo

Akul's mama said...

I did so many pregnancy tests and after bthe first 14 weeks I was certain my baby was here to stay...little did I know that babies die - so quickly and for no reason at all - they are not old enough to even suckle, and yet they die.

Nan & Mike said...

To go back to being naive, would be nice in some ways, but then I wouldn't have had my girls. It all just sucks! Hugs to you, Nan xo

Holly said...

What an exciting time to find out... and be innocent....