Breathe.

OK, so today I took action. Because I can't just lay around and cry about this. SO, I called Dr. P's office and left a message with the nurses that I'd like him to look into the 17p shots for me. He told me this summer that the research doesn't show much-but I'm going to ask him again.

I then called Dr. B's office and left a message. She is the doctor I had when I was pregnant with the twins (I was shared between the two of them). She actually was in the NICU when things crashed with Aiden and she stayed in there the entire time. Rubbing my back, my shoulders, watching me watch my baby die. You could say we have a connection. So I asked in my message if we could share care again this time. Dr. P's nurse said if my cervix stays put, eventually I'd graduate anyway, so maybe she should be following me, too, either way? Yesterday I spent some time researching a switch in MFMs.

Dr. P is the only perinatologist in my hospital. There are two at the other hospital in town, but my insurance won't work there. Well, it pays 60%. But I saw the bill from one day in the NICU. There's no way we could afford it. So I'm sort of stuck. But I'm not going to sit back and feel bad about this and guilty. If this baby (dear God, please let this baby live) should have something horrible happen, I will never get over the guilt if I just sit back and not fight for what I want. I deserve a good bedside manner. I deserve to be comforted! I am NORMAL for having anxiety.

Just who in the heck wouldn't!?!?!?