Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Rollercoaster

So, Thursday I called the nurse at my doctor's office and cried hysterically into the phone. She listened, and was very kind, and when I told her that I wanted to be seen earlier but that my doctor was "booked solid" she said, "Well, didn't the receptionist offer you to see a midwife or another doctor in the meantime, just to have a checkup and listen to hearttones?"
Well, no. No, she did not!
So...she hooked me up with a different doctor, a colleague of my docs. For the next day! So yesterday, I went, feeling nervous. My blood pressure was down from last time (when I sit in the room-it skyrockets-and this was a dift room) and she was SOOOOOO nice. She was opposite my doctor in the way that she kept reassuring me that I was normal. That this was normal for me to be scared and that if 5 weeks was WAY too long for me, then I should be seen anytime. Anytime. I think I knew this, but hearing it made me feel so much better. She said I could see her in the middle of appointments anytime I want.
She listened to all my questions and gave me lots of good answers.
I got really nervous when she got the doppler out, but literally-she set it on my belly and there it was. 156 :) She didn't even have to move the doppler, which was really great for me.
She also had me make two more appointments with my doctor-two weeks after each other-so that I already know that my appointments are set up closer together.
She was amazing. And while I still feel anxious, that crippling anxiety seems to be (at least temporarily) gone.
She also referred me to someone in behavioral psychology that has a speciality in pregnancy after loss. I have to call on Monday to see if insurance will cover at least part of it. I hope it will. I've been talking to a lady who is a family counselor, but I think I would benefit from someone with more of a specialty.
I loved hearing that little baby's heartbeat. It did so much for me. Believe it or not, it was the first time I got to hear it. I have had two super quick ultrasounds and got to see the little heart beating, but never got to hear it. It is such a beautiful sound.
It did bring me back to listening to the heartbeats with Aiden and Sophie. After my water broke, and I was in the hospital, they would listen to the heartbeats every shift change for those weeks. For some reason, I was never worried that I wouldn't hear the heartbeat at that point. I should have been. Sophie had no fluid. But I never worried, and I loved hearing it. It got to the point where I could use the doppler better than the nurses to find where they were. Aiden would hide and move and kick and squirm around.
Anyway, this appointment was really good for me. Next Friday is my anatomy ultrasound. We are going to find out the gender. I am nervous for it, but mostly nervous for my cervical measurement to see if everything is going ok in there.
Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. I rely so heavily on this space and your comments and reassurance and honestly, I usually feel so much better once I pound it out and hear your voices telling me, "We're here, Christy! No matter what!" I hate so much to post about this because I know some of my friends are struggling to get pregnant, but you are all so amazing and you make me feel ok about it.
Loving you all!
xoxo

22 comments:

ForeverElliot'sMommy said...

I am sooooo glad you found a doc that gave you some pice of mind and that saw you right away and was so very caring, it makes all the difference in the world, you don't feel so helpless then!
HUGS!!
Brandy

Bree said...

I'm so sorry I missed your last post. I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better. I'm happy you're going to get seen more. I think that will really help ease some of your anxiety. Let me know what you learn from the therapist. I could use it too. And, I can't wait to hear about your u/s next week!

Your last post reminds me of the anxiety/depression med commercials that play all day long on tv. I can always answer, yes to all of the questions.

Tina said...

I am so glad you are feeling better. This is a difficult road to travel, I really am not a worrier, but even for me I freak out over every little twinge or feeling. The dr sounds wonderful and I am glad you have some reassurance. Hope you continue to feel beter!! xx

Jayme said...

I am so glad that you found a doctor who is treating you like you deserve to be treated! It's so reassuring to know that you can just go be seen if you feel like it, that I know for me, just the knowledge that I could was usually enough and I didn't actually go in :)

AKD said...

What an amazing appointment - I'm so glad that you found someone who is reassuring, patient, and kind! I am thinking of you as you prepare for the anatomy ultrasound - you have to be thrilled!

Franchesca Cox said...

I am excited and nervous right there with you! I think that's funny when you said you got better than the nurses at finding your babies' heartbeats. The same thing happened with me while I was in hospital bedrest for two weeks with Jenna. We know our babies :)

Sending you *big* HUGS

Just Breathe said...

I am so happy that everything is going well. I will pray for your comfort. Sounds like the doctor you saw was wonderful and I'm glad she was able to help you through a difficult time. ((HUGS))

Kristy said...

Yay!! You sound SO happy and positive Christy. Even if for just this moment, you sound so different. I am so happy you have found such a great, empathetic Dr. Is there any way you can change to see her all the time, versus your other Dr? She seems to put you at ease, much more frequently then your current Dr. I hope the counsellor helps as well. Pregnancy after a loss is terrifying, and all the emotions it causes can be very hard to weed through. You are doing great hun. xo

margaret said...

How wonderful that doctor sounds. I'm so glad you're now seeing her between appointments with your regular doc and the referral is fantastic. I'll keep my fingers crossed that your insurance will cover it. I'm so glad your appointment put your mind at ease for now. And we are here, supporting you all the way!!!

Catherine W said...

I'm glad you've found a nice doctor and that your anxiety is easing a little.
I loved, loved, loved hearing my girls' hearts beating. It is such a lovely sound, I used to grin for ages afterwards. I'm so glad you got to hear your little one's heart beating away.
Will be thinking of you, especially on Friday. Much love xo

Christy said...

Sending you hugs and praying for you. Happy you are feeling better!

stumbull said...

That's great that this doctor was so nice and understood what you needed. Hopefully all your appts will be as stressfree as this one was. How exciting about your anatomy scan! Can't wait to ses what you are having!

withoutmypunkin said...

So glad that you are feeling better and the dr sounds very nice! Thinking of you as you prepare for your anatomy scan. ((hugs))

Lea said...

So glad you got some reassurance. It's a long, tough road... but so amazingly worth it!

Love to you!

Tracey said...

So much love! No better way to describe it then a rollercoaster.......so many confusing emotions aren't there?

I saw a counselor a few times who specializes in pregnancy/loss/infertility etc...insurance didn't cover her, but I have to say, it was SO much better talking with her then just a regular counselor, she just understood & 'knew' the right/wrong things to say...Concerns (neurotic or real) were validated...and she gave me one really great piece of info that I think about everyday (especially when I start to think about the future and what *could* happen)

Today everything is okay. That's all that matters, today.

Reminding myself of that has helped to stay present with this pregnancy, and to try to enjoy it as much as I can, and to bond with this wee gal.......

Looking forward to updates from your next US!

Akul's mama said...

It is so hard to go through a pregnancy after a loss. But you know it is possible. Many many people have live healthy babies... it could be your turn. Many many hugssssss.

Once A Mother said...

soooo happy that the receptionist actually listened to you and found you someone to see right away. Having a doctor who understands how different pregnancy after loss is, and the added need for reassurance that it requires makes all the difference in the world. You and your little one continue to be in my thoughts.

Nan & Mike said...

I am so happy you got what you needed to make you feel better - YAY! Thankfully there are some people out there IRL that will help you through :) You always have angels watching over you!

Thank you for your comments too honey, you are so incredibly sweet :) I tried to email you but the email wouldnt go thru.
Hugs and love, Nan xo

Once A Mother said...

I know I already commented on this post but I just wanted you to know that your message really meant alot to me to read today. Thank you so much.
Peace xx

Once A Mother said...

I know I already commented on this post but I just wanted you to know that your message really meant alot to me to read today. Thank you so much.
Peace xx

Bluebird said...

Aw, honey. I'm so sorry I missed your last post, but so glad to read that you've received some reassurance since then. It sounds like you're doing absolutely everything you can. And wow! - almost time for your anatomy scan! So exciting. Hang in there honey. We're here for you. ((Hugs))

Holly said...

That's so nice that you got seen and was reassured that you could be seen at any time b/t your appts. What a relief to hear that heart beat@