Last night I walked around this store for 30 minutes.
The whole time I held a book of baby names.
Then as I left, I set it back on the shelf.
My maternity clothes are still in the rubbermaid tub. If I dig through them that way and don't take them out, it'll be really easy for me to store them away (hide them) again. If I don't buy any books...if I don't make a single to-do list, then there will be nothing for me to have to put away (hide) again.
If I don't come up with a name, there will be nothing for me to doodle when I'm talking on the phone, thus there won't be a paper trail.
This year, my calendar is online. You see, I won't be able to come across scheduled doctor appointments and classes because they can all be deleted by someone else and are all in one place.
I have dreams where I am standing, in the baby section of a store-debating. Should I buy this? It's on such a great sale. I had one the other night where I was in Paris in this neighborhood that I've certainly never been to, and there was a big with French writing on it that I thought was so adorable. In my dream I knew that it would be my only chance to get it. But I wrestled with myself. Should I let myself buy it? In the end I woke up and bought nothing.
I am just so, so scared.
19 hours ago