Last night, there was a storm coming. He came downstairs, where I was laying, with my shoulder above my head and an ice pack on my back, feeling miserable and asked me if I wanted to come up and watch the storm. I definitely didn't want to-I was in pain and crabby, but he just had that look on his face and I couldn't say no.
So we popped popcorn, got our camping chairs and the dog and went out to sit on the deck.
The sky was insane with lightning-the wind was just starting to pick up a little, but was hot on our faces, and the sun was down. We sat out there for hours. Just talking. We reminisced about summer storms from when we were a kid, and talked about when the electricity would go out, and we laughed a lot. Told stories. Asked questions. We sat out there, in the calm-with the storm brewing and getting closer and I kept closing my eyes and just letting myself FEEL.
In my head, I talked to Aiden and Sophie, like I always do. I told them how much I missed them-and I wondered if they could see their mom and dad and the storm that was coming.
I felt completely at peace-if only for a few hours. I felt normal, and safe, and happy. I let the anxiety go and I let myself enjoy a moment with the man I love.
It felt so good-and it was a reminder that these moments are what we live for. I love the fact that there is still much about my husband that I don't know-that we still have stories to tell and things to talk about. I love hearing him tell stories. Really, I just love him. So much. And our life as of late has not stopped that, but it has prevented us from having moments like this.
It's one of those things that you can't re-create-it just is. I have to remember that although I lost so much-I still have so much to be thankful for. I have my family. Some of us just happen to be in Heaven. And as much as I hate it, that's how it is.