What, I don't know.
I'm actually posting from work today-something I never do but my brain is in the clouds. I've felt on the verge of tears ALL day today-for no particular reason except that's where I am.
I'm exhausted. Emotionally, physically.
This week I made my schedule exceptionally busy. Tuesday was 21.3 weeks pregnant for me, which was the time gestationally that my water broke. I don't know why this seemed so significant to me, but I just couldn't wait to get past it. Next week I will be 23 weeks, then, which is what my hospital considers viability. Lots of milestones coming up-ones I really, really hope to pass through with flying colors.
Last week at my doctor's appointment, they measured my cervix again and my doctor said something along the lines of, "You appear to have the world's longest cervix."
He went on to tell me that (he could be wrong, of course) but he thinks I will go overdue with this baby.
I can't put my finger on really why, but I have been angry about this ever since.
How does he KNOW? He doesn't. So why say it?
I don't know. I truly am ridiculous. Nothing he can say will make me happy, I guess. I'm unreasonable!
We are stressed out at my house. We've had a ton of house showings lately (which is good, but....) which mean we have to clean all the time and get the dog out and randomly go drive around. B is finishing up his boards again and we are going to the library every weekend to work on them. In less than a month we have 13 French students and one adult coming to have an 11 day homestay in our (relatively) small town. The teachers stays with us and while I absolutely LOVE her, it's a lot of work and having a guest for that long is somewhat uncomfortable and they'll leave right before the babies' birthday and I'm worried about not getting that planned. I'm planning a March of Dimes walk in May, too, in honor of the babies and we're raising all sorts of money, but I'm trying to figure out who will stay where (since most of my family lives away from me). I could give all this up, but it's what I WANT to do.
I think probably this is why I'm on the verge of tears all the time. But then I think, all of that stress is normal stress, I can handle that-it's that nagging thought in the back of my mind that something is going to happen before this baby has a chance at life (outside of the womb, I mean). I'm just so scared.
I guess that's it. I'm just so scared.
That's nothing new, is it??
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