Saturday, November 7, 2009

confession.

I'm pregnant.
Probably you guessed since I was all, "blahblahblah-one follicle-blahblah" and then didn't bring it up again.
I, like others, am struggling with blogging about it. I could so, so, definitely use the support-above all, I am terrified-but I don't at all want to hurt anyone out there. We are all going through so much. I know it's a little easier to hear news like this when it's another babyloss mama, but it's still not easy. Especially when there are issues with IF, etc. etc. I never, EVER expected this to work this time. It look so long the last time.
For now, though, I just wanted you that have been wondering to know. I'm a few days past 5 weeks along. Very, very early days. I really shouldn't put this on the internet. I don't know if there's anyone from my real life that has somehow found this (besides one person I know that reads this, hi J!).
I'm very nervous. About everything. Reading these blogs has been SO helpful to me, so amazing, but the one thing it has also done is make me hyper-aware of all of the things that could possible go wrong. So many things.
I am trying so very hard to focus on staying positive. Telling myself that I (we) will be ok. That not every bad thing can happen to me. To not take every thing I read about and apply it to me.
It's hard.
But I'm trying.
I have an u/s to see if there is a heartbeat on 11/20. Until then, I am a complete psycho, watching the toilet paper and hoping that somehow this will be ok. My emotions have been going crazy, I've been going back to reliving a lot of the twins' birth/death. I'm trying to stay on track. Trying to be positive. I promise, I am thinking every positive thought that I can muster up. Please help think them for me.
xxoo

23 comments:

Bree said...

I am thrilled for you! I've been there, am there. It's much harder emotionally this time around. If you ever want to chat, share your anxieties, email me. I could use someone going through the same thing too. Briannemeg@yahoo.com. :)

Rachel said...

I am so excited for you. There is a triplet loss mommy on my blog (Adam, Hope and Charlie) who is also 5 weeks pregnant. Maybe you two can go through this together?

Marie W said...

What awesome news! Knowledge is power, but it also scares the crap out of us. Try to focus on the positive and remember not everything applies to you or will apply to your pregnancy. Keeping you in prayer.

Tina said...

Oh Christy that is WONDERFUL news!!! I know what you mean about all the fears from reading what has happened to others. I think you just need to try to stay positive and focus on this new little one. I hope you can continue to share this pregnancy with us here in this space. I will be here supporting you every step of the way. xx

Catherine W said...

What lovely news! Although I can imagine it must be terrifying at times.
Just try to hold on to the fact that it does 'usually' go right, it 'usually' is ok.
Fingers crossed for the 20th and sending positive thoughts to you. xo

Hope's Mama said...

Wonderful news, Christy. I know what you're going through and understand the fears. This early part is so, so hard. Right up there with how hard it is at the end! Hang in there.
I'll be holding on to hope for you that this all goes exactly how it should.
x

margaret said...

Very very happy for you Christy. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you hon. Sending you hugs

2Erica2 said...

Congrats! I do hope that you can enjoy it! I know that after a loss, it is difficult. Oh, this is great news!

Akul's mama said...

I am truely happy for you. I understand all your fears because if I were to get pregnant again, I would be a basket case.

Kristy said...

As always, i'm behind you every step of the way. I'm so happy for you, and so happy you finally spilled the beans. ;)
*hugs*

Shanti Mama said...

Very happy for you! I have been reading for a while, but an infrequent commenter. I know your anxiety, because I am right there with you (early pregnancy). I'm trying to just get through each day and breathe. We'll make it.

ForeverElliot'sMommy said...

So happy for you. And you are right, not everything bad can happen to you. I am not pregnant again yet, but I have the same fears for when I do get pregnant, these blogs have made me more aware of what all can happen and I'm positive I'll be a mess the next time around....All I can say is that all of us babyloss mama's are the strongest women in the world and we handle and deal with everything that comes our way. I will def be praying for your family and a healthy, full-term, perfect baby...

Jen said...

congrats!

Bluebird said...

Oh, honey, I am *so* thinking of you!! And will absolutely continue to do so. You know I understand the fear, the anxiety - it is so, so hard. I'm glad you shared your happy news with us, I found so much solice in being able to "tell someone", if only faceless individuals through a computer screen :) Many, many congratulations and well wishes are coming your way.

Missing Kasey said...

YEAH!!! Congrats, that time before the 1st appointment is hard. I will be thinking of you, hoping for nothing but wonderful things! ((HUGS))

Once A Mother said...

sending you prayers and congratulations

iamstacey said...

AHA! It was the lucky sperm!!

Congrats, congrats, congrats! I know you're scared right now, so I'm gonna be happy, happy, happy for you! I hope you get to see that amazing heartbeat soon to help ease your mind!

Just Breathe said...

That is wonderful news. Congratulations. I will pray for perfection.

Kate said...

Congratulations! I love reading that other IF bloggers are pregnant because it gives me hope that it will happen for me soon! One day you're struggling, and the next day you're pregnant. That's amazing!

Holly said...

This is such great news!! Def sending positive thoughts your way.

Mommy said...

Just breathe. Enjoy every precious moment, because babylost mammas like us know just how precious they really are.

Rebuilding Myself said...

I am so happy for you. Pregnancy after loss is such a difficult time - my hope for you is that you will get to hold a precious little bundle at the end of this journey. Try to enjoy each moment you have ... and know we are all here for you as you travel down this new, terrifying, exciting road.

megan said...

Congrats! stay positive! *hugs*