When Aiden and Sophie died, she...
*brought me a plaque with their name on it and a necklace
*bought me jewelry with their name on it
*made me leave the house
* sat with me in the house
*cried with me
*looked at their pictures and told me they were beautiful
*said to me, "I'm sorry. This sucks."
*asked if a conversation was hurting me so she could stop if it was
*raised over $300 for the walk and walked with me in the cold and rain
*called on their birthday
*asks about them TODAY and by name
*so, so much more
If it were anyone else, the second I heard "Twins" and "boy and a girl" I would have been GONE. I would've never spoken to her again. I would've run away.
But I couldn't. I wanted to---
So I went, and had coffee with her. I brought A, to help.
It was good. She cried first and just said she wished there was anything she could do to not hurt me. Then, we talked about everything else-our jobs, our husbands, TV, all the stuff we normally would. And it felt good. And I had missed her.
And I said, "I don't want you to hold back your happiness. I am happy for you"
And do you know what she said, you guys?
Seriously-if everyone we know could just GET this-
"Honey, I am happy. But I can have a MILLION moments of happiness, and there are plenty of people to talk to about twins and how amazing it is-but I don't need that happiness RIGHT now. I can get it other times. I can talk about it whenever. And with people who it won't hurt."
I mean, how lucky am I?
Those of us going through infertility, loss, all of that. There's that attitude out there-don't expect other people to stifle their happiness with their pregnancy. Don't expect them to not talk about it with you-you are the bad guy if you can't handle it.
But doesn't her thought make so much sense? She can get that anywhere else, all day long.
Why her? Why her? Why her?
I guess I won't know. But if it were anyone BUT her-I'd be long gone.
Thanks for your well wishes-I did it, and I'm so glad I did, and I know that was FAR from the hardest thing to come(I told her I can't come to the hospital-she understood-and I told her I need to see them the first time with no one else so that I can cry-and she said she'd be crying with me).
Thank goodness for great friends. :)
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