Thursday, January 13, 2011

Twenty-one

I glanced at the calendar today. The 13th.
Tonight, as I rocked my beautiful daughter to sleep, I closed my eyes and let my mind wander back.

21 months ago, at this hour, I had just said good-bye to my first-born. I may even have still been in the middle of it-in the NICU, with the dividers up, with all the nurses lined around the sides while my husband's hand rested on my shoulder and I sobbed, screaming, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry" to my daughter, who was dying.

21 months ago, I would go back to my hospital room, bleeding, focusing renewed hope on my son, who would make it through the night only to be greeted with his mother agreeing to take off life support so he could be free to escape this Earth and be at peace.

Twenty-One. Unbelievable.

10 comments:

Deni said...

Makes my heart sad for you!! I'm sorry! Just sending you lots of love--yo! :)

Debby@Just Breathe said...

This just breaks my heart. The night had to be excrucitingly painful. Makes my stomach hurt. I am so sorry you had to go through that.((HUGS))

AKD said...

Christy, I'm just in tears for you. I'm so sorry, sweetie. Love to you all.

Stephanie said...

I am so sorry! Reliving it is always heartbreaking!

Michele said...

Oh Christy... Thinking of you and sending so much love... Remembering your sweet baby girl and boy with you.

Marie W said...

Sending love and hugs your way!

Ava's mummy said...

Reliving these moments is just unbearably hard isn't it. Sending you much love, strength and gentleness right now.

I also wanted to stop by to let you know that I have given you an award for your lovely blog. You just need to come and collect it from my blog.

Sarita Boyette said...

I'm so sorry, Christy. That must have been excrutiatingly painful, to say goodbye to two babies. Thinking of you. xoxo

Once A Mother said...

oh Christy :( my heart is broken for you. such a sad and honest post. remembering with you xx

With Out My Punkin said...

((hugs))