So, I warn you that it's not that exciting :) Well, to me it was, but to you it won't be.
Avery's due date was July 10th, 2010. I had my 40 week doctor appointment scheduled for Friday the 9th. The week before, I was 3 cm dilated and just a little bit effaced. I asked the doctor how long she would let me stay pregnant before we did anything-mainly because I was SO nervous about going past 40 weeks, and due to the gestational diabetes they have to not let me go too long but not induce me too early. She didn't want to make a plan then, she wanted to wait and see, and I was really sad about this. I work better with a plan!
So by Thursday the 8th, I was going nuts. I was so nervous and anxious and so worried about keeping track of her movements and getting really frustrated that I wasn't having any signs of impending labor. Brian and I were taking 2 or 3 looooooong walks around the neighborhood each day to try to bring on contractions. I'm sure the people in my neighborhood were like, yo, someone help that poor pregnant lady!
Anyway, Thursday morning the phone rings, and it's the hospital. So I pick up, and it's my doctor! She said, "What is going on with you? No contractions yet?" And I just sort of groaned and she says, "We're going to induce you tonight!"
I remember feeling a 500 million pound weight lift off of me. I remember asking if she was for real!? I was in disbelief. Just as more proof of what an amazing person she is, she had the plan in her head the whole time (I was already scheduled into labor and delivery) but didn't want to tell me too early since she was afraid I would develop a lot of anxiety about it. She was so right. I had a TON of anxiety about being back in labor and delivery, about going past the NICU, about just being at the hospital in general. So she told me to meet her at the hospital at 6:00 and she'd get me started since she was on call. The only thing is I had to go to the clinic at noon to have an ultrasound to check her size. One of the main complications of gestational diabetes is that the baby can grow too big, and even though I had been completely diet controlled and my sugars had been great, there was still a possibility.
So we went to the clinic and the ultrasound tech was sort of fumbling around with the equipment because it was new and we were just so glad to see our little girl :) She was moving around a lot and had her hands by her face like usual. It was hard to figure out things on the u/s this time since she was so much bigger, though!
At the end of the scan she told us she would take the biggest of all the measurements and average them so that we'd go on the "biggest case scenario". Well, I have to say that I was COMPETELY shocked when I saw the weight pop up on the screen. Um...NINE pounds TWELVE ounces.
Um, a TEN pound baby? I was terrified. I know most of you wouldn't even bat an eye at this, but I was so scared for a tough delivery because I was scared she would get hurt during it. It had nothing to do with me and my body-just her. And as soon as we were out the door I started to cry hysterically because I had tried SO hard with my stupid diet. I hadn't cheated at ALL-not once-and I had pricked my finger 4 times a day for four months and I had walked after every meal no matter what I was doing and yeah. You get the point.
So the doctor called me back and basically gave me a choice. I could still try the induction. There was a big possibility the weight could be wrong. Of course she could be bigger than the u/s said, too....With an induction, there's already a big chance that I'd need an emergency c-section. With a baby of this size, that chance grew even more. And there was a chance that she just wouldn't fit. That there would be considerable vaginal trauma.
Or I could just schedule a c-section. This surgery has it's risks, too, mostly for the mother. But some for the baby, too.
I didn't need more than a second to decide. I chose to schedule a c-section. With my past, with my post-traumatic stress disorder, with my anxiety, I just couldn't handle having an "emergency" c-section-I knew I couldn't handle the baby getting in distress, having to rush into surgery. With a scheduled one, it would be calm, and planned, and stress free.
So we scheduled for Saturday morning, the 10th, at 8 a.m. We had to be at the hospital at 6. The night before we didn't sleep at all. I could only lay there and think about the fact that the next morning, she'd be here!
When we got to the hospital, I felt good. I felt calm. My mom was coming and Brian would be there. The only part he couldn't be in for was when they gave me the spinal. From 6 until 7:40 I was doing great. And then I literally had a panic attack. I don't know why, really, and it was the first time I had something so---I don't know---real. It happened when the nurse started to shave the area where the surgeon would make the incision. I just started getting really , really scared. I was afraid that the baby wouldn't be ok. That she wouldn't cry when she was born. That something would happen to her. And B was in there, and my mom came, and the doctor came, all people that can calm me, and none of them could. I just wanted to run away. I couldn't do it-it was as if all of the emotions of the past few years were building to an end.
I couldn't stop crying, I honestly felt paralyzed. I honestly didn't want to do it anymore. I wanted them to leave the baby in. But they rolled me into the operating room and started to get me ready for the spinal. I had to lean forward and bunch up my shoulders and there were two anesthesiologists behind me and the nurse was sitting on a stool in front of me with the heart monitor for the baby. She kept moving the monitor, moving moving moving one spot to the next and the sound was on and I couldn't hear a heartbeat at all. I was completely freaking out. I thought, well, I knew it would happen. So I choked out, "Is she dead?" and she just looked at me and was like, what? I guess the sound was on but not the actual heartbeat and the baby was just moving so she had to keep following the heartbeat (perhaps she could have mentioned that to me?). Finally they got done and Brian got to come in. My arms were locked down, which I hated. I could feel a ton of tugging and they told me, "Get ready! She's coming" and I heard the MOST BEAUTIFUL sound I have ever heard in my entire life-she screamed her HEAD OFF! I started sobbing and the doctors laughed and the surgeon said, "Can you just wait? She's not even all the way out yet!"
I saw them pull her out and they brought her up to me and I just couldn't believe it. I wanted to hold her but my dumb arms were locked down, but they held her up to my face and Brian got to hold her and everyone was so happy. It was just so, so different than when Sophie and Aiden were born. I needed it to be so different.
Her blood sugars were great and it turns out she weighed 8 lbs 8 oz. So still a big baby, but not even close to what the ultrasound predicted. I didn't regret anything, though. She was 20 inches and just is totally perfect.
See, told you it was pretty boring :) xoxo
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