Ok, this one is kind of a stretch, so hang in there with me.
In real life, I believe we have what I call, "movie moments." You know how in movies there will sometimes be clips where time is going by-or typically where one person is sitting, usually looking out the window of a train or while staring at a photograph-and you can see scenes of their life (their memories) passing through? The viewers see the montage and usually there is some sort of song with profound lyrics playing. Well, I imagine this happening all the time.
When major things happen in my life, I will catch myself having one of these-I all of the sudden and sitting, looking at a photograph, and thinking through my life like it is a series of memories in a movie. When I catch myself, I laugh, and try to think up what song would be playing during this movie moment.
Sometimes the song is what puts me in a movie moment.
I had one of these the other day. We needed groceries really badly, and A hates the grocery store (I think it's the bright lights, even when we put up the canopy thingy on her car seat, she's not a fan) and so B suggested that I go on my own.
Leave the house?
This would be the second time in the SAME WEEK. The first and second time since she was born.
I know. Get over it.
So, I went. And I got into the car, and rolled down the windows (which I don't do with the baby) and I cranked the radio WAY up (which I don't do with the baby) and I drove a "little" over the speed limit on the interstate.
And as my hair was blowing like crazy in the wind, a song came on the radio.
It is called, "Wind of Change" by a group called the Scorpions. It's from the early 90s. Do you know it? It's what we like to call a "Power Ballad." :)
Anyway, I bet you're wondering how I can figure that a song about the fall of the Berlin Wall is my movie moment scene song.
And I guess I don't especially know. But I know the words resonated with me as I belted them out, driving with the windows down.
"Taaaaaaaaaake me-to the magic of the moment, on a glory night-where the children of tomorrow, dream away-on the wind of change (the wind of chaaaaange)."
As I whistled along, I thought about change. And how sometimes what happens in just a moment-what the wind brings along in a moment-can change our entire lives.
I mean, when you think of it, grief is this huge wall. It's put up between us and the rest of the world. All we want is to knock it down. And we dream about it-and some of us are able to knock that wall down. But once the wall is down, it doesn't change just.like.that.
I feel sometimes like 17 months out from holding my sweet twins that I have mostly knocked down my wall of grief.
After all, I was singing in my car at the top of my lungs, enjoying the warm air and feeling....light.
But even if it is down, there are residual effects. Things that have changed me. Forever.
I suppose it's like that in Berlin. You can see where the wall used to be. I have a piece of it (well, I was 16 when I visited Berlin and they told me it was a piece of it when I bought it, but, well, you know) and I dug it out last night.
A wind of change.
My movie moment.
19 hours ago