Saturday, September 25, 2010


Seriously-life is SO hard. And I'm not even really talking about MY life. I just mean life in general.

Does it feel like you just hear so much sad news? Or does it just overshadow the good news?

I don't know. I've been thinking so much about some of my fellow bloggy mamas lately-begging the universe-please let IVF work--please please please let those twins be ok--please let all rainbow babies be healthy. And I sometimes focus so much on it that I am stalking people's and letting myself maybe get too involved. Perhaps it's unhealthy. I just want everything to get better for people. And when it doesn't-I get SO frustrated. And it's not even about me!

At any rate, today has been a weird day for me. I've spent a lot of it crying. First I found out some bad news about a few bloggy friends. Then when A woke up I realized that her fussiness lately may be a little more than just fussiness because she woke up sounding congested. I called right away and we took her into the pediatrician and she is diagnosed with RSV. She's not even 3 months old yet :( Doc said she picked it up most likely at the doctor's office when she had her 2 month well visit. She's been spitting up and having weird eating habits since then.

I am terrified now because 500 babies a year die from this. Doctor says it's mild-that she's not wheezing-that A was full term and she's healthy and a great weight. I keep thinking I know I've read stories where someone had a sickness, but an ok from the doctor and their baby went to sleep and didn't wake up.

I can't think she's going to die everytime she gets sick. Rainbow mommies, does this go away? I think I know the answer to that.

Anyway, then my cell phone starts beeping like crazy-just as I'm getting A settled next to her humidifier. A 7th grader from my school died last night.

Damn it.

Life sucks.

I want to reach out to that mom.

But wouldn't she just laugh at me? Our loss is not the same.

But anyway. A 7th grader died in a car accident and she was with two other girls from my school, both of whom I can only imagine will have ptsd from this.

Ugh. I need to get myself in a better place so that I can do positive things for people. Instead of sitting around and crying and feeling life all of life is a bad place!!!!!!!!! I'm super sleep deprived and worried and all around a disaster. But, as usual, it helps a little to pound this out and hopefully a nap and a warm bath and some snuggles with the sicky-poo will help.



Tiffany said...

I have 2 rainbows and no, the worry doesn't ever go away. I feel I'm a bit too overprotective. Ibe already had one child die I am so scared it will happen again. I even wrote a blog post about this. I'm trying to get better but it's very hard, especially as a single mom where everything is on my shoulders.

Denise said...

Our rainbow baby isn't here yet and I'm already overprotective. I know since the loss of our son, we've been even more protective and worrisome over his older sister. I don't think it goes away.

I also don't think that mother would be anything but touched by you reaching out. Regardless of how old your child is, they are always your baby. And losing one, despite the age, is incredibly hard. Regardless of you lost your baby before birth, after a few months of life, in their childhood or even in their adulthood, burying a child is such an unnatural and heartbreaking event. With that child you buy the hopes, dreams and aspirations you had for them. You give up on the lifetime of kisses, hugs and memories you long for. I am sure she would be touched by you reaching out to her.

stumbull said...

I am so sorry you are feeling so down today, but that is a lot to deal with all at once. I just wanted to say I know you are concerned about the RSV but know that almost all kids get it before they are 2 and a healthy child gets over it very quickly. I hope you got to rest and feel a little better. (((HUGS)))

lis said...

What a sad and awful day. I'm so sorry about your little one and for the student. I had a student in my 7th grade class die (suicide) and it was horrible. As previous commenters noted, it can never be wrong to reach out to someone in pain. Especially this type of loss where everyone wrongly assumes that they should leave the grieving parents alone and never speak the child's name. You and I know how comforting it was to have two or three people (if we were lucky) who knew what to say. I hope the snuggles make u and ur little one feel better and I'm sure she will be on the mend soon. I'm sure its ten times as hard as being a "normal" mom, but u are doing great. Hugs, xoxo Lis

Catherine W said...

Oh dear. Poor A, I'm sorry she has RSV and I know it can be very frightening to see. It is a particular fear of mine with J's lungs being so damaged. I hope that A fights it off soon.

I don't suppose I qualify as a rainbow mommy? Or do I? I can't quite work that one out. But I've found that I got anxious about J to the point where I felt I was driving myself around the bend and then I just . . . stopped. Because I realised that I simply couldn't protect her from everything. All I can do is be sensible with her health and hope for the best. And try not to worry (although this is easier said than done!)

I'm so sorry to read about the pupil from your school. Very, very sad and I agree with you, life is hard.

Michele said...

oh Christy... I am so sorry. What a terrible time. Keeping you guys in prayer and hoping the RSV goes away quickly! And praying for that family of the seventh grader...

Jen said...

praying for sweet little girl to feel better soon. I am so sorry about the loss of your student, life is just so cruel sometimes (as we all are brutally aware) Praying for baby to feel better soon and for the family and those involved in the crash..xoxo

Holly said...

I'll pray she gets over the RSV quickly. Poor thing! I'm sure she feels crummy. :(

I don't think that the worry will go away. Mothers will always worry for their children and for mothers who have lost that worry is a little more. You cling tighter to them and I think that's ok.

Lori said...

Christy...I'm so sorry sweet girl is suffering...I pray she will get through it soon and with little more pain for her. Poor baby.

I also am so, so sorry to hear about the loss of that student. Though your losses are not the same, remember that no loss is the same, and losing one's child hurts at any age. I imagine that mom would appreciate your thoughts and words. I know I got cards from people I didn't even know but who had lost a child and just knowing they knew that pain, though unique to each of us, and took the time to send their heart out to mine meant a lot.

Keeping that family in my prayers too!

AKD said...

When A was dropping weight, I just kept bawling and praying that she not die. I totally get this, and send you hugs.

rebecca said...

Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and your kind words. I'm so sorry there has been so much sadness in your world lately, it does seem so overwhelming at times doesn't it? Hope that your precious rainbow is better soon, I imagine it's impossible not to worry when you've lived through the worst that can happen. Thinking of you & sending love.

DeniFay said...

Thank you for your comment on my blog! I appreciate the support and want to catch up on your blog! Read this post and will say that I'm praying for A to heal quickly, both of my godchildren had RSV and pretty badly and they were just fine, just wanted to give you some encouragement there! I don't have my rainbow yet either, but I'm with you, I'll be a total mess and probably apologize to them their whole lives for being that overprotective nutty momma!!! You are sweet to think about so many other people all the time, shows your beautiful soul!

sara/emerging butterfly said...

My now 9 year old had RSV twice...we ran a day care at the time. We closed it over the second bout with RSV. During the scare...for it was truly a scare, we went the naturopathic route. My naturopathic doctor treated our guy with homeopathic medicine....and it worked better than ANYTHING the docs did. If you have that option...I'd go that way. Also, you can make a really effective compress that may help safely break up congestion for your little one with dried mustard and olive oil. If you have rosemary essential oil, put 1-2 drops in 1/4 cup olive oil before rubbing it on your baby's is antimicrobial and helps to break up phlegm. The olive oil is easily absorbed into skin along with the essential oil. Do not overdo the essential oil, it is HIGHLY concentrated, but safe if you use it appropriately. Do not get it on any mucous membranes (eyes, nose, mouth, genitalia) Cover the chest with a warm cotton layer (diaper?) Take the mustard plaster which you will have made from dried mustard powder, 1 clove crushed garlic and 1/2 cup olive oil. gently apply the paste over the warm cotton layer allowing it to be soaked with the oily mustard. Cover the plaster with a layer of plastic. Obviously, don't leave your baby alone with this application on...and check every five minutes. You are looking to deliver a dose of healing volitile oils to the chest region, but being volitile, mustard plasters must be checked every 5 minutes to avoid irritation to the skin. If you see signs of redness, remove the plaster. Give baby a nice rub down with oil to warm the skin, and remove any residue from the mustard plaster. You can do this twice a day as needed as long as you are very careful to watch for skin irritation. You can also use a vaporizer with eucalyptus or rosemary essential oil to deliver the vapor to your little one.

Anyway......these are things I do when my kids are dealing with bronchial issues...and especially with RSV. I hope it helps...