Happy Birthday, Ella

Please go send some love to my friend, Bree , who is celebrating her sweet daughter Ella's 3rd birthday in Heaven.





I wish she was here, my friend.





xoxo

I am weak.

I am already taking a break from trying to conceive. I never imagined it would happen this way.

How can I seriously continue to look at ultrasounds with two follicles, two would be babies, and have to sit back and do nothing?

This time they were two different sizes. Since one was ahead, I went back the next day. Hoping the bigger one was still ahead, and that we could trigger ovulation with the other still too small to have a mature egg.

Instead, the bigger one had barely grown. And the smaller one had grown 2 mm. The doctor explained, apologetically, that she wasnt comfortable with the 15 mm one...it could maybe have an egg, and what if we were wrong about the size? I mean, she said, think of how small 1 mm is...

Off I went to my 4 th graders, trying hard not to cry. Plan b, for next time, half a pill of the smallest dose of the most mild ovulation med. Plan c would be to use injectibles, which I could take at a very small dose. It got so heavy, so fast ( for me, of course, those of you going, oh , honey, I wish I had your problems...).

Ironic, right? DOnt ovulate, then DO. Want twins, but cant, but look!

I just think maybe I wasnt ready. But, in any case, these three months have stressed me out, made me gain a little weight, and the kicker was one day Avery saw me crying and said, "Mommy owie?". It just hit me that my baby girl is so big. I dont want her to see me crying.

Im certainly not giving up. Hubby and I are going to watch what we eat more seriously, focus on our health, and things will be much easier in the summer when Im off for the zillion appointments.

Just wanted to give a little update, sweet friends. Thinking of you all, always.