Thursday, July 21, 2011


I remember coming home from the hospital after having Sophie and Aiden. It's all such a blur, but I was in the most amount of pain that I have ever felt. I could barely function. I spent my days and my nights screaming, yelling, crying, weeping, begging.
And reaching out. Scrambling to find help.
I reached for my computer. When Brian went back to work, I laid in bed, searching. I would google "I lost my babies." "What to do when your baby dies." "I lost my twins."
Infant mortality, pprom, prematurity, grief, losing a baby, losing twins....
The list goes on and on.
Some of the things I found made me angry. At one point, I remember finding a site with dead baby jokes.
But then, I found a blog. I started reading, and never stopped. The internet became my home, my support system. It became a safe place I could go to tell my feelings to others who understood, who didn't judge, who knew I was ok, but was in the deepest, darkest place possible.
I can honestly say that I don't know what would have happened had I not found my little internet community. Had I not made connections with people from all around the world who shared my hurt, and also shared my hope.
I was so lucky to be able to take a trip recently and meet in person some of the beautiful, beautiful women I have shared this journey with.
Brian had a conference for work across the country, and one of my very best blog friends is from there, but it's a huge state-so I just asked her if she lived close to where we'd be. Long story shot, a freeway closing turned a "maybe lunch" into 3 full days of Avery and I staying at her (gorgeous) house! THEN, another gorgeous friend drove hours to visit us and the next day we went just a short way to see one more friend who is on bedrest now with her pregnancy.
It was so healing for me, so easy, so fun, to be around these women. They have become more than just strangers on the internet to me. They are my friends :)
The coolest thing is that 3 of us all lost babies within a month of each other---and all had our next babies within a month of each other! They all just turned one :) They had SO much fun playing together.

Here are Avery and Nora, Bree's daughter (Bree from Baby Butterfly Ella)
Nora, Gigi, and Avery. Gigi is Tina's daughter (Living Without Sophia and Ellie)
Gigi, Nora, Avery
At Rachel's BEAUTIFUL backyard (Three Butterflies and a Monkey)
Bree, Nora, Avery, me, Tina, and Gigi
Nora, Avery, and Gigi in the FABULOUS bikinis Tina brought for all the girls :)
Nora and Avery meeting for the first time :)
Avery & me, Rachel and Monkey, and Bree and Nora


Bree said...

I feel so lucky that you let me hold you hostage for three days. I miss you this week! What a beautiful post. Do you remember the first blog you read?

Groves said...

It really is the best thing about the internet, I think - the way that we can connect with the people who *really* understand. I don't know why it is so much harder to find IRL (without internet), but it seems to be.

I'm so glad that you got to spend time with these beautiful friends. You all deserve it!

Cathy in Missouri

Love's mom FOREVER said...

What amazing timing for this post, because on Wednesday morning, I too met a fellow BLM who I met in the blogosphere and who has gotten me through some very dark moments. This community is a lifesaver, and I cannot imagine how lonely and isolating it must have been to go through this "pre blogs".
I am so glad you got to meet some of your friends in person, as I was just thrilled to meet mine.

Sarita Boyette said...

Love these pictures and the fact that you got to meet our sweet blog buddies! Baby loss blogs helped me finish my grief journey - don't know what I would have done without them! Holly Haas' blog about Carleigh was the first one I found. I just thank the Lord he led me to her blog, and eventually, many others. xoxo

AKD said...

I am so insanely jealous and happy for you all! It looks like so much fun!

Hope's Mama said...

Absolutely heartwarming. Meeting online is great, but meeting in person is so, so special.

Nika M. said...

The blog world became my saving grace too. I haven't met anyone in real life yet, but I'm sure I'll get there one day. :-)

Lisette said...

Isn't wonderful to be able to meet in person? I just met Bree for the first time 2 weeks ago. She was so excited for your arrival. I am glad you had a wonderful time. The pictures are just too cute!!!

Jen said...

I am so happy you got to get away and meet all of these lovely ladies and babes <3 next time its us though ;) xoxoxoo

Deni said...

This brought tears to my eyes reading! I know how fantastic it felt to meet Andrea and for both of us to be pregnant with our rainbow babies! This community is such a blessing!! So happy y'all got to meet and spend quality time together!!!

Anonymous said...

what an amazing trip! what a wonderful time of true companionship and understanding. I'm so glad you had such a great time! It's good to see you smile!

Anonymous said...

Just stopping by to say hi! Missing you and hoping you're doing well.

Jill said...

How wonderful that you got to meet these special ladies and their rainbows!!

Holly said...

I love it when BLMs get to meet each other!!! :) Makes me smile so big!