Monday, April 11, 2011

Struggling to find the words

I have been trying to blog for a few days now. Trying to type it out. I swear, when things get rough, I normally log on, and type as fast as I can without even thinking about it. I just can't seem to make the words into anything comprehensible, even by writing.
I cried all through my day at school today. I looked at the clock a hundred times.
It was this monday, 2 years ago, that Sophie and Aiden were born. 2 years ago it was on the 13th and Easter was the twelfth. I went into labor Easter night.
I just kept looking, thinking, they were almost born, they were almost born. Sophie was born. Aiden was born.
Right now, two years ago, they wouldn't let me in the NICU to see them because things were so touch and go.

I just can't do anything but that. Recount the events.

The pain is there. I can't avoid it. I look at Avery and I am so beyond thankful for her. She makes every day so much better.

But, but, but, but-

I want them.

I want them here. I want them back.

14 comments:

Becky said...

I am so sorry to hear that these past few days have been hard on you. Two years must be hard, especially so close to Easter. Even though Easter changes every year I can imagine it will always be a rough time.
Thinking of you-HUGS

JenJen said...

I am so sorry ((hugs))

Jessica said...

Sending you hugs as you miss your sweet Sophie and Aiden. I'll be thinking of you lots the next few days.

rebecca said...

I'm so sorry, a sad day indeed. Thinking of you & sending love as you remember your precious Sophie and Aiden ((hugs))

AKD said...

This made me cry, because I know this so well, and because I wish you had them here instead of doing this. <3 to you.

Betsy Lauren said...

I am so glad that I stumbled upon your blog. I too lost my twins this past November and have been devastated ever since. Easton and Parker were mine and my husbands first children and we were thrilled to become parents. We lost our identical twin boys due to twin to twin transfusion when I was 20 weeks along. Thanks for being such an inspiration. Betsy

Hope's Mama said...

All my love to you. I wish there was more I could say or do.
This hurts, I know.
Remembering Sophie and Aiden always.
xo

Tina said...

I know christy, I know. I wish I could make it all better. Sending you, Sophie, and Aiden love. xx

Sarita Boyette said...

Christy, I am so sorry - wish I could take your pain away. Praying for you and sending lots of love your way.

Catherine W said...

Of course you want them back. Thinking of you and your family, especially Sophie and Aiden. xo

Michele said...

I know, honey.... Hugs and so much love...

Love's mom FOREVER said...

I am so sorry. Sending you hugs, and remembering Sophie and Aiden with you.

Deni said...

Just sending you love! I can't imagine the full scale of your heartbreak, but I am sending you a big hug and some extra love!!!

pottymouthmommy said...

So sorry you are going through this.