Safe

He is here safe.

Baby E was born safely through C-Section at 8:48 a.m. on December 31, 2012.  He weighed 8 pounds 7 ounces and was 21.25 inches long.

He is a very mellow, easy going baby.  We feel so lucky.  So, so lucky.

He looks JUST like A did when she was born.  He's starting to look different now, at 10 days old.

We are spending our days holed up inside-flu season has me freaked out and I am still recovering.  His big sister is very loving toward him, but having a little trouble adjusting, with jealousy (totally normal and expected). 

I did decide to get my tubes tied.  It was a hard decision, but I really just felt like I wanted...no, I needed for my "reproductive days" to be done . I need to focus on my family, on our health, on making plans for the future with the family I have been blessed with.  Pregnancy, while not totally complicated, is not so easy for me, mostly because of gestational diabetes, my anxiety, etc.  I felt so awful because I couldn't interact with A like I need to.  I'm ready to look toward the future-stop worrying about if I'm ovulating or not, if I'm going to get pregnant, if I will have a miscarriage, will my water break...the uncertainty, the longing, the wishing.  I feel as though by making this choice I have made the decision to stop.  It wasn't made for me.  I That gives me some peace.  And although I did dream of having a bigger family, having 3 or 4 kids-I have 4, just not all with me.  And these were just the cards I was dealt.

I feel like it's been so different bringing this baby home.  I don't know why.  I guess I feel a lot more confident this time around, in my abilities at least.  Everything doesn't seem so scary and I recognize a lot of the things that worried me with A as normal.  It's definitely harder to have an older sibling to help, but it's early days, and we just need to fall into a routine, I think.

I still really can't believe he's here, and safe.  I really just cannot believe it.  I think back to our journey here and it amazes me still.  Amazes me that we all are brave enough to go through what we did, these horrible, tragic losses, and we still forge on, we still try to grow our families (even though some of us are luckier than others, which makes me angrier than I can really say).  I am so blessed to be a part of this community, to have your support, to have made it this far with you all.  xoxo